Aha

So it’s called “Derealization”:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derealization

I’ve only found the symptom, but that’s a step towards finding the cause I suppose. It says it’s neurological so I’m wanting to get some sort of brain scan or CT or something along those lines.

At least it exists. That calms the delusions {which have been getting particularly bad lately. The more hopeless I feel about curing it the more I convince myself that it’s actually real.}

I can’t recall any sort of head injury. My therapist has talked about PTSD {a lot of things happened last year that would cause it, but the things that happened were symptoms of trauma. Was it trauma caused by trauma? Do you see why it’s called WonderHell now? It makes no sense.} I hear Derealization can also be a symptom of Bipolar disorder which I supposedly have.

Also medication. Which is funny because I’m sort of stuck with medication, aren’t I? If I get off of pain medication, I go on some sort of Lupus/Arthritis/anti-inflammatory medication which is what might of caused this in the first place. I feel very…trapped.

But it’s nice to know I’m not alone. I thought it didn’t exist which made the delusion strong, and the delusion becoming stronger made the feeling stronger and so on and so forth.

I’ve just found this out tonight so I’m still looking into it. I’m so excited. I feel less alone. I still can’t believe no one has figured this out yet, though. It’s a bit sad that I had to tirelessly search myself. But god, what was the trigger? What made me snap and spiral in such a dramatic way?

Was it the trip to the Mayo Clinic? I remember the second I got back I was seriously depressed. Nothing too awful happened at the facility itself, it’s a lovely place, really. I only had to get stuck once. They were all very kind to me. It’s a beautiful hospital with neat environments.

Was it Toy Story 3? I had been home from the Mayo Clinic for awhile. I believe I was on Zoloft, or maybe I had just gotten off. I was still pretty depressed. But something happened in that movie. The moment I set foot outside of there, the world was no longer real. It would never be the same. Wonderhell was on the rise.

It wasn’t the movie as a movie, I don’t think. Sometimes I think that there was a fire in the theatre and that I died in there. That’s how dramatic the change was. Something went on inside that theatre that caused me to be like…this.

Shitshitshit. What was it? I just remember walking out into the night air and looking up at the sky. The universe seemed so…small. Everything had shrunk down substantially. Was I poisoned? Did I get sick on some of the food? God almighty, what could it be? Does anyone even have any idea?

Alright, I’ll stop now. I’m just glad I have one more piece of the Wonderhell puzzle.

Thanks for reading.