As I was saying...I hate it. I know that I'm going to be one of the main focal points, which scares the ever-loving-shit out of me. I know what they're thinking, you know? They're judging me for being there at that weird time in that weird outfit in this weird place that they're only at to make fun of me.
Crowds protect me. I loved New York. No one stared. Everyone was too busy to give a crap about me. I was just a speck among many other specks. It was wonderful.
I like to view people as witnesses. If someone tries to hurt me, if I'm in a crowd, well that's a thousand witnesses. They're not going to try it/succeed/get away with it. But if I'm alone or the crowd is small...then that's much more dangerous. Ted Bundy targeted girls who were alone.
Every time I walk into a restaurant that isn't busy, I feel like the employees are thinking "My god, no one ever comes here at this time! What is she doing? She looks ridiculous. Look at her, look at what she's wearing. How weird." I feel tall and awkward {I'm 5'2"}. And this is odd, but I feel like a transvestite. Like some sort of abnormal spectacle. A man in ladies clothes. Graceful, but not quite as graceful as she should be. Still a little awkward in those heels.
It's that bitch of an imaginary friend I have. She tells me this shit. It doesn't matter how many people tell me she's wrong. She may leave for a bit, but she comes back. She always comes back.
Fare-thee-well.
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