Insomnia

This god damn Abilify causes horrid insomnia. I woke up. Again.

They want me on Seroquel. Seroquel? Really? Fuck. That's what they give to insomniacs for sleep. I have some. When my doctor gave it to me she said, "Yeah, it used to be and anti-psychotic, but they don't prescribe it anymore! Made people too sleepy." I figured Seroquel would be one of our last resorts.

Why do I have to be medicated in the first place? Why can't they just let me go crazy? I want to kill people. There, I said it. She tells me to and I want to do it. The thought of it makes me feel great. People are fucking evil in the first place, just look at me! "Dangerous," she says, "You need to be on medication. You're dangerous right now. It will only get worse." Let it, bitch.

God, I want to sleep. These side-effects! And I'm always in that small precent that has horrible side-effects with any medication I take. And I have fucking classes tomorrow...this is not good.

I'm nervous about my classes. As always, Rose-"I'm a cunt"-Red tells me horrible things every time I'm around people. What's it going to be this time, huh, Rose? Maybe you could come up with something new instead of the same old shit, okay? At least make it interesting for me and the readers. I keep asking my mom to take off work so she can drive me there. My mother is really the only person that can make Rose Red go away for a while. She studied psychology, and is very logical while being very caring and nurturing at the same time. She talks the through my emotions and they go away. I'm going either way, but going with my grandma or going with my mother is the difference between me being miserable and shut-down there and me being social, happy, and carefree.

Carefree is a funny word. It's two words...make into one.

That's funny to me.

Fare-thee-well.

PS The carefree thing was not a bit of wonderful, cryptic insight. The medicine's just kicking in is all.